nocturnes:
a scar extends from above yr heart down the front of yr left arm. it is where i broke you in. it is my saturnalia.

ok so i think i'm startin to get it. the difference is between sufficiency and surplus. between sated and surfeit. i am always already hungry and haunted. this pleasant addition. you're either like a key in a keyhole or a novelty switchplate. one isn't necessarily more valuable than the other, jus maybe more utilitarian. but even decorated sheds have interiors.

lookin at:
acid oceans leave fish at more risk from predators
anti-gay cleric talk canceled
child abuse speeds up body's ageing process
fever ray - keep the streets empty
german robin hood bankers gets suspended sentence
jacob coupe by scott trindle
lavender diamond - like a prayer
martin margiela men's accessories a/w 09 collection
police sceptical of rape victims from poor areas
roxy: the last dance
tavia nyong'o - do you want queer theory (or do you want thew truth)? intersections of punk and queer in the 1970s
yoko - waiting for the d train

listenin to:
black flag - bastard in love
casual dots - hooded
chicks on speed - coventry
damian and puzzy france
duldung - antyziomalski
heidi mortenson
jean genet
kristofski kabuki
lorena & the bobbits
marzipan marzipan
näd mike ft sexy sush - girlfriend
ramones - 53rd & 3rd
rampant peluca
scream club
soft pink truth
sta!
vile vile creatures

nocturnes:
this is where it gets simple. no. don't sell yrself short, kid. i'm only seeing you in pictures, fragments. a wisp of hair that curls toward yr ear. you're cradling a book and i'm concentrating on this vein or artery that's accentuated by the pressure on yr thumb. a lot of tantalizing nerves. biting yr fingernails. grinding yr teeth and i like how this makes yr jaw look. all in conflict with some small delicate features. collar turned up against the cold. patti found you. then david found you. and i haven't really found you. but you're sorta making yrself apparent to me:

everyone knows something about something. the question is not, "what do you know?" or "how well do you know it?" but, "how do you express what you know?"

haikus:
sometimes you smell like
mothballs and i just want to
go rollerskating

dreamt that you were there
all my boyfriends too, we were
foxes in the snow

lookin at:
adidas samba x madsaki trainer
andrey bartenev
anna barriball
bardot appeal over animal slaughter at nepal festival
call for domestic abuse register
creepers - baby's on fire
daniel barrow
eklatant
hypnosis has real brain effect
live neutral milk hotel video
maison martin margiela x michael stipe
museum of bellas artes - who do you love
mutant genes key to long life
120 minutes in stockholm
passions - i'm in love with a german film star
plastic chemicals feminise boys
struck! magazine
transsexual linked to italy's sex scandal found dead
travel queeries
uk children trafficked for sex
us man jailed for thai sex abuse
young sun han
yuri pleskun by juergen teller

listenin to:
beach house - norway
fresh & onlys
john maus
john yoko & lali puna - papa was a rodeo
youngfuck

nocturnes:
although people who experience marginalization might like to be more "grounded," inequity in access to public space continues.

the degree of positivity in my relationship to you is in direct proportion to the degree of yr awareness of the space you occupy.

the thing about (re)establishing equilibrium is that it's predicated on a pendulum of ups and downs.

i put you in my mouth and it's like blackberries. soft pack of cigarettes and soft pack of abdominal muscles. handpicked and water-soaked. pleasant little bumps and hairs. a sweet-and-sour cat's tongue. and when i squeeze you it's juicy and sounds like saxophone. like old time relijun. all these little pockets that go "blip!" and "squawk!" but the light doesn't flicker with it. it's harsh, but it's low-level. i'm renovating my home, and i'm doing it myself.

looking at:
bess - alpaca cloak
blab - i hate straights—bash back, fags
bless n. 36 - bedsheets lake
company fuck
eyewriter
freed child rapist, 16, detained
gregg araki - kaboom
handsome devil
indian eunuchs given separate ids
magnetic fields return with realism
oppositional architecture
potipoti
russian criminal tattoo encyclopaedia
sell drugs in shops—think tank
serge gainsbourg: a heroic life
spanish self love lessons row
straw retreats over gay hate law

listening to:
andrew cedermark
best coast
bridal shop
cloud nothings
pearl harbor
robert church and the holy community
soft pack
wetdog

current favourite song lyrics: december by frida hyvönen:
Oh, you have played records all night long. You come straight from the club when you pick me up at 6 in the morning. You smell of champagne and cigarettes. I put on stockings and a dark green dress. And we're off to the clinic.

10 girls in a room, one bed each. I wonder if I'm the only one who feels like everyone's staring at me. A nurse in the middle of the room informs us in a gentle Finnish accent about the procedure.

First they'll sting us with a needle, then we'll fall asleep. Then one by one they'll take us to the next room. Rid us of our little trouble—our unwanted pregnancies—and then we'll wake up.

You're the only man in the room. You're by my side. When it's my turn to get the injection, you're sent outside. "We've had a problem with boyfriends. They often faint if they see blood," the nurse explains.

Just a few moments later, I am sleeping. And if they do exist, the angels are weeping. And when I wake up, you get me a coffee and a sandwich and a kiss in which

I can taste the last breath of our love. And I can taste you haven't slept for centuries. And it's time to walk out into our own separate winters.

Before we leave, the nurse takes us aside. And she tells the two of us to take care of each other.
I'm not sure if I remember this right, but I think that's where we start to giggle, a relief in the grief.

looking at:
candy - song to the siren
chris jordan
cole rood & haan
early life stress changes genes
east village isn't what it used to be . . . and it never was
freight yard projectfugazi - turnover
galactic suite
grace jones - william's blood (later with jools 2008)
jail threat for urinating student
joop!
murman arkitekter
psykick dancehall
rise of the non-veggie vegetarian
siv stoldal
skate bait
sonic fabric
sordid truths: selling my innocence for a taste of stardom
style.com - beth ditto
transsexual jesus sparks protests
zeha berlin

listening to:
grass widow
pants yell!
stavin chains
stella rocket

nocturnes:

one moves through life continually leaving things behind and that's one definition of class, the degree of one's loss is also the degree of one's vitality, one's ability to sustain small constant amounts of loss. art becomes a memory more than anything else, a kind of chooser, it shows how we were touched

—eileen myles

what i need is a peace and quiet. not yr public hips.

i'm not afraid of definition. in fact, i find comfort in it because rarely do i grasp it and rarer still is it lasting. but i also don't privilege it above indefiniteness. making meaning and assigning value—primarily expressed linguistically, but arrived at mentally/emotionally/spiritually—are actions that participate in economies not entirely of my design nor entirely under my control. which is to say, i recognize the arbitrary and impermanent construction inherent in definition itself.

capsules of energy

like we're standing face-to-face

lips-to-lips

breath-to-breath

in blue speedos

arms outstretched

fists clenched

round sparklers

and spinning

do you know that i haunt you? but i'm more a flirt than a stalker.

we must forge a language together.

in dreams (oct):

i am onstage backstage with patti. we are shooting the shit. drinking champagne and smoking cigarettes. i keep dipping my hand in the water. eating ice. not vulgar. nice.

he wants us each to do a solo dance for everyone else as audience. i don't. he will follow with a performance. he doesn't.

m.s. and i and line. crushed velvet curtains draw me in.

looking at:

berlin, with few walls

daniel sannwald

dare

el perro del mar - change of heart

girls - lust for life

hans ericksson - greetings from the beautiful boys of stockholm part ii

heartworm

homophobic attack on trainee pc

iceland leads on gender equality

kasper bjorke - young again

kenya to launch homosexual census

rich germans demand higher taxes

ssion - boy

sweden church allows gay weddings

TOMMY PICO: DO IT YR OWN DAMN SELF

zineswap

listening to:

atlas sound - reminder

blessure grave

charlotte hatherley

grace katie vii

rangers

trailer trash tracys